Worthless Sons

It's a bucket of icy water thrown in our face. It stings. Our mind is racing, trying to make sense of what is going on. The shock fades, but the starkness of the charge remains.

Eli's sons were worthless men.

Eli the priest, the man appointed to mitigate the relationship between God and Israel, could not father his own household. There is no nice segue into Samuel's next stage of life as told in I Samuel 2, but the story really isn't about Samuel. It is about God. As a parent, however, the story is a painful one to read.

One of the key moments for a parent is getting sincere evaluation of their children from an outside source. When they are young it could be something little like, "Your daughter is so polite and well behaved." We hear verification of societal acceptance and even a touch of admiration. Did they say their line clear in the Christmas program? Did they smile for their photos?  Did they share well? etc....

When they are older it might be something like, "I am glad our son is friends with your son. He is such a good influence." Affirmation in the adolescent years often brings part sigh of relief and part crossed fingers for a journey not yet complete. Do his teachers like him? Are they establishing themselves in their sport, band, choir, grades, youth group, etc....?  What's their ACT score? We want a sign, any sign, that we are succeeding.

Next it's their college choice or vocation, spouse (hopefully), and their general ability to get on with life that we use as a barometer of our success. Are they getting promoted? Do they have a nice house? Are their children establishing themselves? Reports, formal and informal, filter back to us, and we instantaneously assess the quality of our parenting.

Unfortunately, we continually look to the wrong places for evaluation. Eli's failure points us in the right direction.

A key point in the story of Eli and his sons is the rebuke Eli receives from God through the boy Samuel and another unidentified man. At the heart of God's rebuke is the charge that Eli honored his sons above God. He did this by not disciplining them as they developed practices that were blasphemous to God. The boys became evil and used their position to fatten their bellies and indulge their lowest desires. They stole the best parts of the sacrificial meats meant for God and ate them. Their abuses went well beyond this, but God brings this one to the forefront.

In response Eli does nothing. In fact, he partakes of the stolen meat. He fattens himself. The force of his disapproval is weaker than the force of his indulgence. Eli appears to fail in two primary ways. First, he was selfish and enjoyed the food. The account of his death makes note of his obesity. Second, he does not know what a family is for. His view of his children and his role as their father was broken and led him to honor his sons and himself above honoring God. His kid became his god.

The struggle we have raising kids can be traced back to both of Eli's problems and can be describe as three wrong understandings of what families are for. The three wrong views are: families as a burden, families as a sentimental end to themselves, and families as an extension of our own self-fulfillment. Eli's indulgence and the reluctance to enter his sons' lives can easily trace into all three of these problems.

How does Scripture answer the question of our family's purpose? Most of us never ask what the purpose of our family is, but it's vital to consider because our answer or lack of answer determines what kind of household we create and what kind of children we raise. There are no guarantees to parenting. Some good parents raise rebellious children and some awesome kids come out of terrible homes. Unfortunately, no method can guarantee perfect results. However, some methods work much better than others. The best methods flow out of a framework of thought with Christ and the pursuit of His Kingdom at the center of everything.

As we look at Scripture and learn from Christ who we are meant to be, we learn what families are for. Families are for developing foundational communities of character, by learning and living  God’s story for our family, our neighbors, and the generations to come. Families are not for accumulating wealth, going to the right schools, producing athletes, making parents look good, etc.... These things do not bring God honor. Families are to be the embodied presence of the Kingdom of God and a primary redeeming institution that makes Christ known through all they do. These are big words, but it is a big job. In fact, there may not be a bigger job for your entire life. Don't be Eli and find it too difficult to try.

Sit down tonight and ask your spouse, what is our family for?