Happy Earth-ster

The young monk made his way across the muddy courtyard. Despite his resolve and urgent manner he managed to admire the new daffodils out of the corner of his eye. Normally he'd pick a few for the supper table, but today the flowers would have to wait. Urgent matters pressed him forward.

He made his way to the familiar wooden door of the church. He carried with him another scroll of grievances and a hammer and nails. He knew the route by heart which was good because he had to navigate around puddles and could barely look ahead. Once his downcast eyes saw the familiar stone steps his adrenaline surged as he adjusted the nails and scroll to prepare to pound them on the door.

As he assembled the items in one hand and the hammer in another, he looked up ready to strike. However, he froze mid swing;  half in shock and half in confusion. Instead of the heavy wooden door there was a glass door with a metallic frame.

The monk craned his neck around looking to see if he was in the right place. The courtyard was all the same except for the place he stood. Instead of the centuries old stone facade with it's large, thick, wooden door there was now a glass door with large metal framed windows across the front. Inside he could see a brightly lit room with chairs and tables. He had never been to New York, probably because New York hadn't been founded yet, but if he had, the monk would have thought he was in front of a trendy New York cafe.

Unable to think of another course of action he tapped on the glass door lightly with the wooden end of his hammer. Within moments the portly Father Superior opened the door. This time, however, his usually dour and cross persona was gone. In its place was a jovial smile stretched across his once stern face.

"Ah, brother Martin, good to see you.", he boomed. Come in. What can I start for you?"

Martin was speechless. The Father Superior posed more of an oddity than the transformed building. The corpulent leader of the abbey was dressed as a bunny and was wearing a green apron.

The Father, sensing his confusion, asked him the same question this time a little softer and slower: "Brother Martin, what can I start for you?"

Martin: "I, uh, I am not sure what you mean. I am here to post some new theses on the door, but my nails would only break that glass."

Father: "Theses? Oh, yeah, you like to crank out the theses. I remember Halloween, which you and your buddies now claim as Reformation Day. Reformation Day? Like that's going to catch on. Then you had that little incident at the White House over Sanctity of Life Sunday. How was Gitmo by the way? I heard they kept it open just for you."

Martin: "Gitmo was pretty hard. I would tell you about it, but you can't handle the truth. I've come to reform today's holiday."

Father: "Reform it?!? It's doing great. Its become quite popular. Sales are through the roof."

Martin: "What are you talking about, and what is this place anyway?"

Father: "Well, since your last reformation stunt killed indulgence income, we've branched out to raise funds. We've converted this first floor into a Starbucks."

Martin: "That explains why the picture that I thought was Christ on all the cups looks like a mermaid. So what do you do here?"

Father: (proudly), " I am no longer Father Superior. I am now Father Barista."

Martin: (rolling his eyes) "At least it sounds Latin." (Gathering himself and reasserting his purpose.) "What do you mean the holiday is doing great? It's been forgotten, cheapened and abused by our culture."

Father: "Martin, you are way out of touch. Things couldn't be better. Our sales are skyrocketing. People love it. It makes them feel like they're doing good, and they've tapped into something transcendent."

Martin, (more bewildered than ever): "Sales?!? How does today help you sell anything?  What day do you think today is?"

Father: "It's Earth Day of course and we have 20% off recycled material mugs and if you bring your own mug in we give you a discounted drink. We're lovin' the earth and loving our customers."

Martin, (becoming animated): "You fool! Its not Earth Day its Good Friday!!"

Father, (smugly chuckling): "I beg to differ, its not a good Friday, its a great Friday. We've doubled what we've sold the rest of the week."

Martin: "Father Baris....er....Father, today is Good Friday. The day Christ took our sin to the cross. He suffered a painful death, but even more agonizing was dying with all our sin on Him. He did that just to save you and I from eternal punishment."

Father: "I appreciate Easter Sunday and all. Its very affirming and upbeat. But Good Friday can't hold a candle (which on Earth Day is better than a light bulb) to Earth Day. All that suffering, sin and death. How depressing. What are we supposed to do all day. Sit around and think about our sin?"

Martin: "Yes!"

Father: "Are you crazy? Look at this place. We're selling a story of urban chic. You come here to feel trendy, relevant, and relaxed. If we pushed Good Friday instead of Earth Day nobody would come. Who wants to contemplate their sin over a carmel machiatto? Besides, your talk of eternal punishment is more than a little passe'. Haven't you read the latest best seller? Hell is so 1400's. You and Ghandi should just chill over a scone and a couple of chai tea lattes."

Martin, (dejected): "Are you saying people's dislike for Hell and their own sin has caused Good Friday to become unpopular and forgotten?"

Father (sarcastically), "Ding, ding, ding, ding.....Give the man a free capacino. You can read all about it in my new book, Marketing Wins."

Martin: "But why does the earth need help?  I'll tell you why, because it is cursed because of our sin. All creation groans because you and I love ourselves more than we love God. In fact, left to ourselves we resist, reject, and hate Him. We must realize that not only do we need faith to have His righteousness put on ourselves, but even our faith comes from Him. We are dead in our sin."

Father: "Wow, you are a negative person. I could never hire you as a barista."

Martin, (newly determined): "I don't care. I am a sinner, and so are you. Celebrating the resurrection without contemplating our sin and deserved punishment empties the Gospel and the life, death and resurrection of Christ and real meaning. We need Christ because we are lost in our sin, and we must always remember that.  Now, where can I post my theses?"

Father: "If I weren't so customer oriented, I would start calling you Martin Loser again. Give them to me. I will tape them to the window for you right here next to the poster for our Earth Day Egg Hunt."

Let us reflect on the condition of our world by remembering why it is cursed - because of our sin. Take time to reflect on Scripture like Psalm 51 and the passion story at the end of each of the Gospels. Remembering and being aware of our sin will heighten our awareness and excitement of Sunday.

He is risen indeed!

Dreamers Unite

The two monks moved in tandem across the mall. They never spoke or even looked the other's way. Though fifty yards apart, they moved as if tethered together like synchronized swimmers. Their training made communication unnecessary. Their mission made failure unthinkable.

Brown cowled monk's robes made them one with the darkness as they masterfully moved in and out of cover. The few people out on the mall never saw the stealthy duo.

Their path meandered making it impossible to anticipate their destination, but their method made it obvious they were heading to a definitive target.They skirted around a souvenier shop, and crept up some stairs with their back to a wall. They now maneuvered through the dark recess of the inside of the Lincoln Memorial. One of the monks appeared to kiss his hand and touch the statue of Lincoln as he went by. Once around, they went down the stairs then zig-zagged through various trees and eventually pressed themselves against opposite corners of the statue of General Sherman.

After a brief pause, they simultaneously moved out from behind the statue. The same monk seemed to leave behind another hand delivered kiss for Sherman's monument.  They waited until no cars were in sight and glided across Pennsylvania Ave. like hooded wraiths.

They made their way to the gate around the White House. Their cloaks were not ordinary monk cloaks. They were woven with special light and sound refracting thread. To the human eye in broad daylight they looked brown. At night they were nearly invisible especially to survelliance cameras and listening devices.

One of the monks, a swarthy looking German, pulled out a bible and threw it over the iron fence. The bible doubled as a grapling hook. It caught a branch on the other side, and the two clerics hoisted themselves up and over the barrier.

Their cloaks made security detection improbable. Side by side they boldly made a bee line for the front door. Once at the door one of the monks reached into his sleeve and pulled out a scroll. The other pulled out a hammer and two nails. The one with the scroll unfurled it and held it to the door while the other secured it with the hammer and nails.

Inside, President Obama was out of bed because he couldn't sleep. He had a nightmare that he was being hunted by Sarah Palin and her dad. Agitated and restless, he had sent his security team to confirm Sarah's location so he could get some sleep.

He heard the pounding. Not having opened a door to the White House in his two years there, he decided he would confront the midnight intruders himself. He thought this might be a great PR move showing him to be courageous. "Sarah can shoot and gut caribou, but I can apprehend protesters in the night." he thought. "Besides it might just be Oprah coming over with her latest book recommendation." He swallowed, drew a breath, and threw open the door.

Pres.: "Ah-ha! What are you doing?"

Monk 1: (Startled but stern) "We are starting a new reformation."

Pres.:  "Who are you and what is this reformation you speak of?"

Monk 1: "I am Martin Luther."

Pres.: "Martin Loser?"

Monk 1: "No, Luther."

Monk2: "And I am Martin Luther King, Jr."

Pres.: "Junior? Is he your dad?"  (looking closer) "I guess not." "Alright, Loser and Loser Jr., what's this all about? You're not part of the Tea Party are you?"

Monk2 (MLK):" We both stood for similar things in different times, and it is time for us to unite under the same banner with a new reformation."

Pres.: (not believing) "Well, now that you mention it I am familiar with you MLK, but I am a little fuzzy on your chubby friend." (sniffing) "You smell like bratwurst."

Luther: (sheepishly) "Sorry, I had a small snack before starting our mission." (popping in a breath mint) "Rev. King and I are uniting because we each experienced significant oppression and dreamed of change. I saw Christendom oppressed by greed and power at the expense of freedom in Christ and a diminishing of the power of the Cross."

MLK: "And I, as you know, experienced the oppression and hatred of racism." "We both believe in liberty for people that is anchored in Jesus Christ."

Pres.: "Well, you're both for change. I'm all about change. I've changed a lot of things. What do you need changed?"

Luther: "We are here because of one of the greatest oppressions of all time. The killing of pre-born children. Christ is calling us to change and to stop murdering his people. We want to reform America's view of human life."

Pres.: (blind sided by a nervous anger) "What? Wh...? Wait a sec....Hold on!  You're pro-lifers. You're against choice and a woman's right to her own body."

Luther: "We must have truth that is beyond our choice because without God and His truth our sin nature will cause us to choose evil. Those who put choice above truth  trust their sinful hearts more than they trust the one true living God."

Pres.: "What about the precious liberty you just mentioned? Your cause eliminates liberty."

MLK: "You are confusing personal freedom to do your own thing with the liberty to choose to live justly within a society with laws that restrain evil and allow all members of the community to flourish together. The idea of freedom you put forth is anarchy in disguise. Millions of children are murdered without seeing the light of day. A culture is judged on how it treats its most defenseless members. America is guilty of murdering over 40 million children since the early 70's. That is why we have come."

Pres.: "You cannot legislate morality. People must be free to choose what to do with their bodies, what religion to practice, what sexual orientation they prefer, where to live, and so forth."

MLK: "As I said during our civil rights movement, I cannot pass a law to make my neighbor love me but I can pass a law to keep him from lynching me. There is a necessity for proper legislation to protect the oppression of the downtrodden."

Pres.: "Who then gets to choose which morality will be enforced? No religion is superior to the others."

Luther: "That is why a secular state is a charade that will collapse into tyranny. People will wrestle and fight to exert their morality over others because no one recognizes a transcendent authority."

Pres.: "That will never happen on my watch."

MLK: "What do you call the extermination of over one million pre-born children a year in the United States if not tyranny? It is a tyranny of the individual bent toward self indulgence. We want our sex without the fruit and responsibility. We want our pleasure and economic freedom without the burden of an unwanted child. That is tyranny."

Pres.: "Look, you two are full of yourselves showing up here like this. You're so high and mighty. If you had your way you would have a religion named after yourself or create a national holiday in your honor. I suppose you're going to go ballistic on me and call me all sorts of names."

Luther: "Actually we already have a religion and a holiday named after us, but we're a little uncomfortable with them. You should also know we will treat you with respect and dignity because of your office and because you're  made in God's image just like the aborted children. What we really want is freedom from oppression for all of society and for that society to choose to follow Christ. We know that many will not choose Jesus, but a godless man-centered view of humanity and culture cannot take its place because it will destroy people in the end. In the case of the United States it has destroyed over 40 million people."

Pres.: (annoyed he turns and yells back inside the White House) "Michelle, are you up? " (a muffled yes is heard) "Can you pull up our key donor data-base and see if a Martin Luther or a Martin Luther King, Jr. are listed?"

2 minute pause

First Lady: "No hon. Don't see them. There is Larry King and a guy who owns some Burger Kings but no other Kings. There's also Martin Sheen and Martin Scorsese but no Martin Luthers."

Pres.: "Thanks hon. Well boys that ends our conversation." (The President reaches over and hits the security alarm.)

(The monks pull their cloaks tight as they prepare to flee.)

MLK: "You will not catch us, and we will press on. We have a dream, and it is God's dream too which means it will come true."

Pres.: (turning to go back to bed) "Whatever boys. I have to catch some sleep. I have to speak at an elementary school in a few hours. I think it's Martin Luther Ki.....  Day" (A sudden realization hits him, and he spins around but the monks are nowhere to be seen.)

A Christmas Reformation

The disgruntled monk scurried across the snow covered courtyard.  A biting wind cut sideways across his path causing him to pull his cowl tighter around his head. His face revealed a holy resolve to reach his destination. He winced as he peered through the stinging snow to confirm his course. Within minutes he carefully but quickly swept up the five steps to the door of the church and pulled from his sleeve a scroll along with a hammer and two nails.

He began pounding the scroll to the weathered, wooden door. The bitter cold accentuating the painful vibration of each stroke.

Inside, one of the senior fathers was busy decorating for Christmas. He was cursing at a string of half-lit lights wishing they could go back to candles when he heard the pounding.

"Not that trouble-making Luther again," he said, his irritation growing.

He threw down the lights and went to the door.

"What trouble are you up to this time Martin Loser? Hey, you're not Luther!"

"No I'm not," replied the monk faltering slightly at the unexpected intrusion.

"Who are you, and what are you doing?" demanded the priest.

"My name is Matt," answered the monk with a nervous hesitation. "I am here to start a Christmas reformation," he continued with  jutted chin and growing confidence.

"A Christmas reformation. Bah! The last reformation cost us quite a bit in our attendance and giving. We had to start bingo nights to make up for lost indulgence revenue. I don't think we're going to allow that again. Let me see your reformation. I suppose you have 95 theses just like Loser Luther?"

"Well.... actually, I only have 9.5 theses," Matt replied with a slight blush coming to his face. "Y'know, I've got kids and a wife, and Luther didn't have either. I couldn't get 95 done, so I stopped at 9.5."

"Ah, a lazy reformer. They usually don't go to far these days," mocked the priest as he quickly eyed the 9.5 theses.

He read the theses aloud so as to hear their folly from his own pious voice.

CHRISTMAS REFORMATION: 9.5 THESES

1. Santa is out. Fired. Let go. Down sized. Right sized. Seeking other opportunities. Shown the door. Pink slipped. Discharged. etc....  End the confusion and diversion. (Obviously, I am very popular this time of year with my family.)

2. The giving of toys and other gifts made of plastic will cease immediately. It seems like each year my kids get a new assortment of plastic things that are quickly broken or forgotten. Worse yet are the ones that don't work out of the package, and I spend hours of my Christmas day trying to repair things which were never whole in the first place. This will save petroleum, landfill space, and a lot of frustration for parents.

Legos are the one exception. Why you ask?  Because they are awesome! They are the perfect toy. In the new heaven and new earth there will still be Legos. In their perfected state they will cost less, pieces will never get lost, and you will never step on one in the middle of the night causing excruciating pain to sweep through your body. I had them as a kid and now my kids have them. I have never seen one broken. I have never had one not work. They always fit. Unlike Santa, they deliver what they say they will deliver and more.

3. Parents will unconditionally release their adult children to do whatever they want from mid November to January 3rd. Free your children. This will bankrupt many marriage counselors, but that is o.k. The stress on marriages around holiday visits is incredible. Set them free. Most will come back, though not completely on your terms; however, you will have a much better time.

4. The watching of overly sentimental movies that distort theology and ignore our sin and brokeness shall cease. Sorry "It's a Wonderful Life", "Miracle on 34th St.", etc.... fans. We seem to care more about feeling good than about who Christ really is and what He came to do. In the words of Ravi Zacharias, "Christ did not come to make bad people good. He came to make dead people live." Don't let Frank Capra be your default theologian. Angels aren't like Clarence and redemption comes through repentance not believing in Santa.

5. The government will shift the bulk of the money it spends on military research to perfect Christmas light strands that will work for a minimum of 50 years regardless of loose bulbs or faulty storage techniques. Many of us can't dwell on this topic without expletives so I will move on.

6. Gasoline prices will be forced to $1 per gallon for the weeks before and after Christmas. Don't talk to me about supply and demand, war in Iraq, and China's ever growing demand for crude oil. I know profiteering when I see it. It's Christmas. Who wants to profit off of the coming of the Messiah? Well, besides everyone. The one and only time I am for price ceilings.

7. No new Christmas music will be recorded without me giving the o.k. I frequently cringe at who records Christmas albums, how many they record, and what songs they sing. Did Twisted Sister really need to do a Christmas album? This year's big cringe is a new Christmas cd from Annie Lennox. Lennox an 80's pop star with a dominatrix persona was part of a techno-pop duo called the Eurythmics. Lennox, whose birthday is December 25th, released a new Christmas cd with songs including Christian favorites such as The First Noel, Silent Night and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. In an interview with CBS about a new Christmas special with Mariah Carey, Ellen Degeneres, and President Obama, Lennox talked about her inspiration for doing the recording. Lennox told about old carols she loved to sing, but wanted to give them her own arrangement. She went on to expound how it all tied into getting rid of labels like sexual orientation to create a free and tolerant society. The one song she wrote for the recording is"Universal Child", which longs for this type of non-judgmental society free from hatred.

Confident of her place as moral spokesperson Lennox is offering a limited edition Christmas card (pictured below) depicting herself as an angel. Yes it is real. I would be afraid to make something like this up.

Annie, know the story of which you sing. Christ became man to fulfill a promise from the garden in Eden to save humanity from our own sin. In Bethlehem Jesus brings two things whose themes run through all of Scripture. Jesus brings salvation and judgement. Salvation because He is the God of love, judgement because He is the God of truth.

We humans should not see ourselves as angels (in part because there are real angels who are a different type of being than us). Rather we should see ourselves as wretched sinners in need of a savior whom we can only know through faith. He cannot be known through presumption.

8. No more Christmas cards. This one is too controversial for me to expound on. I'm prepared to abandon this theses to push the remainder through the Senate.

9. Every American must attend a performance of Handel's Messiah at Christmas and Easter. No exceptions. Then #7 would become moot. People would be less likely to buy Amy Grant's 15th Christmas cd.

9.5 The original Charlie Brown Christmas shall be made mandatory viewing in every household in America. Check the link for a sample.

The Meaning of Christmas

By the time the priest finished the reading his tone had warmed and there was a trace of a smile on the corners of his mouth. "And I thought Luther was crazy." he said as his smile gave way to laugh like.....well, like......Santa.

95 Theses or Reese’s Pieces (or When Narratives Collide)

October 31, 1517.

The young monk scurried across the courtyard with his fine tuned list of grievances rolled up in his hand. By the time his list was completed, he had 95 points of contention where he thought church practice had strayed from biblical teaching. In his other hand he carried a crude hammer and a pair of nails. He made a bee line for the weathered wooden doors of the church in his current home of Wittenberg. He was nervous, but he had a burning passion that swallowed his trepidation.

It was dusk, and the shadows were long and cold. He skimmed up the few steps and unfurled his scroll. He secured the writing on the door with a nail on the top and bottom.

Inside one of the senior Fathers of the church heard the pounding. Somewhat annoyed, he went to the door carrying a sackcloth holding molasses candies the monks had made for their upcoming All Saints Day bingo party. "Who's there?", he asked loudly. "It is I, brother Martin." , replied the young monk.

"What do you want?". "Nothing. I am only posting these theses on the door for future discussions," replied Martin. "Let me take a look at them," said Martin's superior. He opened the door and looked at his posting. "Holy cow. There must be about 100 points."  "Actually, there are 95.", replied Martin, blushing a little.

The senior Father quickly scanned the list and got a troubled look on his face. He sensed that the 95 theses would cause much trouble. "What is this? Some sort of trick?", he demanded. Martin retorted, "I think it's a treat for the church." The superior countered, "I think it is a trick." Martin entrenched, "No. It's a treat."

"Trick!" said the superior.

"Treat!" said Martin.

"Trick!"

"Treat!"

"Trick!"

"Treat!"

"Trick!"

"Well, trick or treat I am posting them," Martin insisted.

"Get off this stoop," insisted the superior.

"No!" said Martin. "Here I stand. I can do no other."

"Here. I'll give you this candy to take down your stupid theses and go away," offered the superior.

Just then the superior's iphone buzzed. The Pope was calling. He quickly shoved the candy into Martin's hands and slammed the door shut. Martin reached in the bag and took a bite of one of the candies. "Ach!!!" (German which ruffly translates to "dang") Martin bemoaned. "I wanted a Mallow Cup.".

And so Halloween was born.....or maybe not. I seem to have mixed the story of the Reformation with another story.

Sometimes stories collide and sound weird. However, after a time one story dominates and only elements of the other remain, and we get used to a story that once seemed weird.

I bring this up because our city departed from historical practice and did not see the need to move trick-or-treating back to Saturday . This move merely extends a growing trend of the Christian narrative being edged out of our daily cultural story.

Halloween goes back to ancient Celtic rituals.  On October 31, their new years eve, the division between the dead and the living thinned allowing dead spirits to roam the earth. People wore costumes to trick the dead and left treats out to pacify spirits or people with ill intent. This thinning of the division between the living and dead  is something satanists, witches and pagan practitioners of Wicca still recognize and celebrate today.

The medieval church, in an effort to convert pagans, instituted All Saints Day on November 1, to supplant a pagan practice but still provide a celebration. However, these Halloween practices, though  greatly diminished, did not disappear altogether.

In the last fifty years, the holiday has experienced a resurgence of popularity in our country. Marketers have made it the second biggest money making holiday behind Christmas. The primary products sold are candy for the youth and alcohol for the adults.

To most, the pagan connections are gone, and it's just a holiday of cuteness,  sentiment for families, and a reason for theme based adult parties. Despite the lack of pagan worship practices, many elements of ancient Celtic and modern pagan beliefs still abound. Stores are plastered with skeletons, ghosts, witches and other things from the world of the dead. Homes are adorned with dummies hanging from trees, tombstones, and other macabre adornments. Some  kids even dress as witches, zombies, and  vampires (though vampires have supposedly been redeemed by the Twilight books). For most it's all in fun and not taken seriously.

One usually unasked question though is, if we can look at evil things as fake and trivial and even cute, how much do we really believe in the entire spiritual realm? If I discount fake witches as harmless or funny, might this point to an inability to understand that there are real witches today who worship the earth and false spirits? Or even if I am uncomfortable with the evil parts but I participate in a non-evil manner, could an uncritical embracing of Halloween allow a godless or god dishonoring narrative to dominate our culture? When competing narratives collide, only one will prevail. I think in my town and most others a secular or pseudo-pagan narrative is winning.

If you haven't figured out yet, my family chooses not to participate in Halloween. Instead we celebrate Reformation Day, which is the day Martin Luther made public his 95 theses in the city of Wittenberg, Germany and launched the protestant reformation. We watch the movie Luther, talk about its significance, and go out to do something fun as a family.

We don't look down on people who trick-or-treat or think we are more spiritual. We don't egg trick-or-treaters. We aren't, as one co-worker labeled me, Halloween Nazis (an odd label in that Hitler's fascination with the occult would endear Nazis to Halloween). We have chosen to emphasize an important part of the Christian story instead. The monumental events that were set into motion on October 31 by Martin Luther were world changing. The world was freed from a destructive worldview that enslaved Christians in false views of God, the world, and themselves.

My intent is not to cause guilt, end trick-or-treating, or stamp out kids dressed as ladybugs. My intent is to reinvigorate our realization and observance of one of the most powerful world changing events of the last 2000 years. There is not space here to go into the enormous implications of Luther's courage. I recommend reading Abraham Kuyper's Stone Lectures for a introduction to the scope of the reformational biblical worldview.

Christ-followers must work hard, often against the broader culture, to assert the Christian story in the midst of lesser, or even evil and destructive stories whether we celebrate Halloween or not.

What about Christmas and its pagan elements like the Christmas tree and the great conditional giver Santa? I suppose you want to dump Christmas too? ( I've heard this too many times to count) Christmas, unlike Halloween, largely succeeded in establishing a decidedly Christian story. The pagan elements have been totally removed from their original story. Unfortunately, Christmas has been largely taken captive by the godless and increasingly anti-Christian story of consumerism and empty sentimentality and deserves a reformation of its own.  Each of the holidays has its own battle, but one should not assert that taking a pass on Halloween while still celebrating Christmas is inconsistent.

Consider what story you want to be most prominent. Make your choice.  95 theses or Reese's Pieces.

I'm with Luther. Here I stand. I can do no other.